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Top > General Lesbian Help Information > Article
How Should I Tell My Husband I’m Lesbian or Bi-Sexual?
By Kaylee Larson, LesbianLoveNow.com
Telling someone that your sexual preferences have changed can be a nerve-racking and terrifying task, especially when that person is your spouse and he has negative views toward lesbian encounters. However, there are ways to make the conversation and subsequent transition easier and the outcome more positive.
1) Plan how you will tell your husband
Gather the details you plan to share prior to presenting the information to your husband. Try approaching the task as you would prepare a speech for school or work. Rehearse what you have to say. The better prepared you are, the more fluid your speech will be, and the more likely you will be to get a better response. Confidence is the key, and your husband will be able to sense your self-assurance.
2) Find a convenient time to talk
If you’re coming out to your husband about being a lesbian or bisexual, chances are that it isn’t terribly urgent, and you will have some wiggle room in terms of timing. Your attraction for females will most likely remain, and this type of conversation can wait until you find a good time. Wait until he’s calm, in a good mood, and not preoccupied with other things such as video games, television, or work.
3) Discuss feelings and answer questions honestly
It's likely that your husband will have a strong reaction to the news you've just given him, whether positive or negative. He will also probably have questions about what your being a lesbian or bisexual woman means to him. He may think that you're no longer capable of loving him, for example, so be prepared to give him the comfort and understanding that he needs. Your feelings matter as well, so be sure to let him know how you’re feeling about your new discovery. Above all, be honest, as it will help make this transition easier.
4) Decide the next step in your relationship
Your discovery about being a lesbian or bisexual doesn’t necessarily have to mean that your relationship must come to an end. In some cases, counseling is needed to help balance your old lifestyle with the new. Your husband’s reaction may be better than expected, and sometimes bisexuality can be worked into the relationship as a benefit for you both.
If you feel the need to converse with someone in the lesbian/bisexual community about your situation either before or after coming out to your husband, there are plenty of resources available to lesbian and bisexual individuals to help you make that connection.
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